I've had a few good days and with what's on the horizon, I'll take them! My body seems to be getting more used to the tube feeding and the high calorie/protein/vitamin formula that has become my regimen. There have been far less bouts of nausea. I've had more energy - I mean, I'm not chopping firewood, or running marathons (or running, period. Not even jogging. Fast walking is also out of the question) but I'm able to be a bit more mobile. I even broke out a board game this weekend and explored a strange, fungal planet in space! I'm in good spirits and feeling confident as we tick closer to the next stage of the game: chemotherapy and radiation.
We had our "chemo class" last week and learned all about what is going to happen, and what to expect, in preparation. I still don't know how long I will have to do treatments (which will be once a week - radiation will be every day), but the cycle sounds like it goes like this: a couple of okay/good days, then a few days of feeling like you've been hit by a truck, then you start to feel okay...right in time to start the process all over again. I'll be exhausted, sore (joints especially), hopefully not too nauseous (the nurse said they stay ahead of it pretty well with long-term anti-nausea meds), and generally worn down. The radiation will be like having a bad sunburn and my throat will be sore/raw. But I spoke to a man who volunteers for an organization that brings cancer survivors and those going through it now, together. They try to match you with someone who was as close to your situation as possible. Dennis (now 76) was 64 went he went through the same thing. He said he had to do five months of chemotherapy, but in the end, it reduced the cancerous mass to ash!
If you know me, you know how much of a LOTR (Lord of the Rings, for those of you who have lived your lives without the glory of Tolkien) nerd I am, and so I liken this situation to the Battle of Helms Deep. I am fortifying my position and preparing for the attack (hydrating, putting weight back on, taking nutrients, getting mentally ready) while the army of Sauron marches towards me. Soon, wave after wave of savage orcs (chemotherapy) will assault the fortress...it'll be relentless and batter my defenses....and after weeks or months, they'll break through the outer wall and pour into the fortress itself, overcoming my position. I'll be exhausted and overrun and when it seems like I can't hold on...that it's taken everything out of me...the sun will rise on the fifth day and Gandalf the White will appear on the horizon, leading an army of horsemen from Rohan, who will dash into the fray and turn the tide of battle. It will be epic! With energy and hope renewed, I will push back the attackers and regain my strength and hope!
If you know me, you also know how powerful my imagination is and turning parts of my ordeal into fantastical scenarios and fictional stories is just another way for me to process and navigate. I'm not escaping, or in denial. I'm just spinning stories for myself that make this whole thing less clinical and more...I don't know, creative? Colorful? I'm just slapping some wallpaper on the situation. But make no mistake, I understand the gravity of the situation.
Well, here we go...start of a busy week. As always, thanks for reading and more soon!