Today is my last day as an unencumbered, unfettered man. It is also, as Jess says, my last day of starving to death (the weight keeps dropping - I mean, broth and Ensures...come on). Around this time tomorrow, I'll be undergoing surgery to install a feeding tube into my lower bowel. I've specifically chosen the word "install"
because I'm going to pretend I'm a cyborg and this is my first implant, allowing me to bypass the mundane chore of chewing and swallowing and all of the other laborious tasks that come along with what regular humans do to consume their required sustenance. Nope, none of that for me. I'll be chew free! Chew free in 2023! Just me and my tubes and pump and IV bags and IV stand.
So, I'll have this little tube gadgety kind of thing that will literally come out of a spot in my lower side. When not in use, it'll be held fast to my side and probably not noticeable. But...when I have to use it, which is 12 HOURS A DAY, there will be tubes that run to an electronic pump and to IV bags hanging from an IV stand that I'll have to cart around with me if I want to move or do anything. Okay, maybe the chewing wasn't so bad. The good thing is that it can run overnight. So, I can start it at 8 pm and let it run overnight, until 8 am and BOOM - task complete.
This thing is necessary because I'm going to need the strength, weight returned, nutrition and energy to handle the radiation treatment and chemotherapy. And then, when they finally shrink this bastard down enough to remove it, I won't be able to eat right away anyway (that seems to be normal when they remove the majority of your esophagus. I mean, I'm no doctor, but...) and so it would be necessary then anyway. And, unlike most feeding tubes that go in the stomach, mine is not going in the stomach because said stomach will become part of my new esophagus. Modern medicine is crazy! Apparently I'll still be able to eat all of the normal things, but in moderation and much smaller amounts. I once ate 18 tacos in one sitting. I used to be able to devour a pizza by myself. I out ate a 275-pound former college
football player once in an all-you-can-eat-ribs contest. Just ask Jess about my former ability to consume my previous weight in food and not look any different than my normal 5'6" 165 pound self. Those days are gone. Sigh. But I'll take one slice of supreme pizza. One sushi roll. One cheeseburger. One taco. I'll take that one and savor it. Yes, between last post and this, I have mentioned food a lot, but that's what happens when you're not allowed, or not able, to eat it!
So, how have I spent my last day as a free man? I did some work in the morning. I started a fire and I've kept it going all day. I'm taking care of organizing and consolidating a lot of personal and household info (bills, etc.), I ran to WalMart to get myself a kind of "weekend bag" since there's going to be a lot of back and forth to the medical complex in Winchester and we'll have to stay there during the week when the radiation treatments start. I mean, I have suitcases, but they're bigger and seem kind of overkill. I bought Jess new windshield wiper blades (which I'll install) since hers sound like tar-coated walruses being smeared across a rusty washboard. I'm writing this Blog. And then I'm going to go make some Kettle and Fire chicken broth.
I'll have to pack my bag as I will be admitted at the hospital and I have to take a shower with special antibacterial soap tonight and tomorrow morning. I can eat or drink nothing after midnight tonight (kick a dude when he's down, man...can't even have my newfound indulgence of Gatorade). Tomorrow is the PET scan at noon, where we are crossing our everythings that no other cancerous surprises are lurking and then it's surgery at 3. When I wake, I'll have a new friend, literally attached at the hip.
Since my first post yesterday, I've received a lot of subscribers and comments and support and I wanted you all to know that I'm really grateful and appreciative. Keep it coming! Please feel free to share this Blog with friends and family...hell, share it with strangers you pass in the supermarket! But most of all, I know you're all cheering me on and that means a lot!
See you on the other side of surgery!
- joe