Day 36 - ...And Yet, I Smile.

Week 1 of chemotherapy is in the books and week 2 has started. Week 1 was like an old Clint Eastwood spaghetti western: The Good, the Bad, and the Meh.

The beginning of the week was okay, then the middle of the week sucked (Tuesday night - Thursday), then the end of the week was a lot better. Fatigue and tiredness hit right away, but the worse was the nausea and occasional vomiting in the middle of the week. It's like living with the flu and a stomach bug at the same time. So yeah, it sucks.

But I'll tell you what, having an amazing partner by your side really makes things bearable. When I'm in those tough moments, she's right by my side, comforting me and helping me through it. And when it's not those tough moments, she's right by my side, laughing with me, talking, holding hands, snuggling. And also, let me assure you - if you're our children and you're reading this, or you loathe TMI, you may want to skip to the next paragraph. You've been warned - cancer and feeding tubes do NOT stop intimacy. Know what I'm saying? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Houston, we have blast off. If this van's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'. I imagine some of you may have thought, well damn, that sucks...they can't, you know, get busy...wrong. We can still get busy.

In fact, there's an even deeper level of emotional intimacy involved, a profound level of love, when things like feeding tubes and cancer-caused weight loss don't even begin to impede on the mental, emotional, and physical aspects of lovemaking. It's beautiful. Hey, I'm just keeping it real, okay? We're all grown-ups here.

Okay, welcome back to those who chose to skip the last part. Yesterday was the start of round 2 - ding ding! I was back in the same chair as last time and this time I was treated to some new neighbors. I had "man open mouth snoring with hand in potato chip bag" and "ladies ranting about the world changing and hoping they're not around for Revelations". I did my usual: read, get up and walk, read, get up and walk. There goes The Walker. But, while walking, and being the only one up and walking, pushing his IV stand, I realized that man, I feel strong(ish) and young(er) and totally capable of making it through all of this. It's not that I had doubts, but I felt energized. I felt empowered.

The second treatment went well - no hitches. I came home and was pretty tired, but otherwise okay. Like last week, the first night of treatment is weird - I can't fall asleep until like midnight. It's like my whole body is buzzing with toxic energy. Today, I took anti-nausea meds as soon as I got up, and will again in a few minutes. The nurse suggested I take them on the normal "rough days" to stay ahead of it. So far it's working. My scalp is starting to get tingly, and a little itchy, which tells me that something is going on with me follicles. Ruh-roh. Oh yeah, and yesterday, Athena, our awesome oncology nutritionist, checked out my tube site, cleaned it, and adjusted it, which involved pulling the base away from my skin and Q-tip swabbing medicine and stuff down around the "wound". It had been really painful because the base was pressed so tight against my skin and since I've been "eating" (thank you, Kate Farms), my belly had expanded a little. It was a little painful, and nerve-wracking, but not as bad as I had feared.

So, tomorrow and Thursday seem like they can be right bastards, but who knows...if I stay ahead of things with the meds, and don't make assumptions, maybe they won't be so bad. That which you manifest is before you.

And next week is chemo and radiation. A Creature Double Feature! We've also got family coming in, which will be nice. Our kids are coming down, and my parents are coming up from Florida. Really looking forward to seeing them. I know a lot of folks have asked about visiting and Jess is kind of managing the calendar on that one. So, if you'd like to come visit, let her (or me - if you don't have her contact info) know and we'll get things sorted. Jess talks about this in her latest update on CaringBridge: https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joemcgee13

Okay friends, that's it for now. I'm doing the work, fighting the fight, and, in the words of the awesome King Ezekiel (The Walking Dead)..."and yet, I smile."

Peace.

j