This past week was full of some pretty significant progress and big changes. It started on Sunday, when I decided to try a smoothie. Jess had mentioned it several times before, but I'd had no real desire to have anything by mouth because milkshakes and protein drinks are too thick and my taste buds are all out of whack. Also, smells are heightened and certain kinds of protein drinks and such make me feel sick by smelling them, so I hadn't been in the mood for anything. But we passed a smoothie place and I had a desire for a cold, tropical, refreshing smoothie. Dammit, I was going to give it a try. So we stopped and I got a "Blimey Limey" - orange juice, pineapple, strawberries, and lime. It was delicious and I was able to drink it without any problems! And then, on Monday, chemo ran longer than normal and I was starving! They have all these snacks in the back (crackers, baked chips, etc.) and I was so hungry that I decided to try those little peanut butter crackers. You know, the orange crackers, six to a pack. I took small bites, and chewed well, and was able to eat them all with no problem! Boldened by this development, and still hungry, I also ate a small bag of baked potato chips.
And so it was, that I found myself getting sushi Monday night. I'd had no problems with the other stuff and I figured I'd really put myself to the test: a meal. I got two rolls (spicy crab and a Godzilla roll) and was able to eat them both without one swallowing problem! It was amazing, and most of all, an indication that the radiation is working! The rest of the week I was able to eat more here and there, small portions of course (half of a quesadilla, some crab dip, a couple of small meatballs and some soup, some pasta). Between the tube feeds (which Jess and I call "Downloading Nutrition" because saying "tube feed" sounds icky and weird) and some real food, my weight should start going up and that's really important to be able to continue getting chemotherapy treatments and be in good physical shape for potential surgery. So this was a huge win for us!
We also had a success in the anti-nausea arena. The new meds that the oncologist prescribed for my chemo treatment worked pretty well. I wasn't sick like I have normally been on Wednesdays and have felt much better all week. In fact, I even walked for an hour on the treadmill on Wednesday instead of just curling up on the couch. This is not, of course, to say that I feel fantastic, but I felt much better this week than the previous weeks.
This past week also saw another groundbreaking moment: I cut my hair. Or, I should say that the amazing Dom, at the Commonwealth Barber Shop, cut and styled my hair for me. You have to check out their Instagram (@thecommonwealthbarbershop).
He cut my hair and gave me an awesome style (based off of Jess's pic of Oscar Isaac) and lined and trimmed my beard/gave me a shave - complete with hot towels and lather and the works! Why did I cut my long locks? Well, it was really thinning out from chemo. I was losing a lot in the shower. Plus it was getting dry and brittle and it was just time for now to make it more manageable and healthy and Jess and I both love it! And then, on top of doing an amazing job, he and the barbershop wouldn't take payment. They treated me to the whole thing because of what I'm going through! It was just a wonderful experience and man, this barbershop is the coolest: motorcycle in the window, tattooed, hip barbers/stylists, photographer on staff, they make their own beard oil products, etc. And they're good! I can't sing their praises enough.
The radiation techs are great. I see them every morning and I joke with them, and they're getting to know me. It's starting to warm up down here and so I've been wearing different graphic t-shirts and the one guy said to me the other day, "If you keep wearing cool t-shirts, I'm going to have to start taking them and send you home in a gown." Ha!
We had more company this week, which was nice. Our dear friend, Kim, came down for a couple of days, at the beginning of the week, and then our wonderful friends from Frenchtown, Mike and Terry came down to see us. This week, Jess's dad and sister are coming down at the beginning of the week, and then my brother, Jim, is coming in Friday. On Sunday, some of our close VCFA (Vermont College of Fine Arts) friends are coming in for a quick visit. It's nice to see all of these beautiful faces and break up the routine of day in and day out treatments and appointments. And when I get too tired, I just call it and let Jess and/or everyone know that I need to rest. One of the things about the compounded weeks of radiation and chemotherapy is that the fatigue compounds exponentially. But the good news is that we're now halfway through. Four more weeks to go! We have no idea what things look like after that (more treatments? gearing up for surgery?) but what we do know is that right now, things seem like they're working and we're halfway through. We'll take it.
It's still extremely sobering to sit with the fact that I have Stage IV cancer, and that there are no guarantees. No idea what my, our, life is going to look like. What's next? What's involved? Where will this leave us?
However, your notes, texts, messages, letters, generous contributions, surprise gifts, kind words, love, and support all mean the world to Jess and I and we are grateful for each and everyone of you. We know we have an army rallying behind us and we push forward...because the alternative is no alternative at all.